Mr. President, sir. <salute>
If you will permit me, sir, I think I can give you a
TRUER account of the current troop placements. It's poor General Swanson's rose-colored glasses, sir. Makes him see things that isn't really there. I don't know. Probably why he fights for the Confederacy. Anyways, sir, if you will direct your attention to my map...
1. These are the brave, gallant boys in blue who have secured the town of Franklin by pushing the putrid ranks of grey from its streets. Imagine, sir, hoards of butternut and grey cowering behind the good citizens as we began our gallant advance through the town. Down right disgraceful, sir. Suffice to say, we have began dispersing rations to the citizens and are offering a reward to every individual that discloses where any grey back is hiding.
2. These are the brave men that contested Ft. Granger, sir. General Ross and the sassy cuss replacement for the good Lieutenant ( after he fell from his horse in fits of laughter after seeing Swanson on his old swayback mare ) are ready to be thrown back into the fight like a couple of rabid wolverines. Truth be told, sir, rumor has it that the Union had indeed secured the fort...but when the vanquished Rebs inside raised their arms in surrender, the stench was SO bad, the fort had to be vacated ( unless you are use to it, as they are ) thus leading everyone to believe they lost the fort in combat.
3. What you see here, sir, is their left flank. These poor boys are dug in across the river and are staring wide-eyed in horror at the thought of our advance.
?. Well, sir, if I knew exactly what was going on in that three ring circus, I'd tell you.
Sir. I did order the Female Academy to be burned. I became so annoyed at Swanson for attempting a rescue mission for the dresses he had left behind inside that I ordered it put to the torch.
I hope this clarifies everything, sir. <salute>