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| CSA Christmas Safety Message http://www.wargame.ch/board/acwgc/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=17163 |
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| Author: | cameronm [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | CSA Christmas Safety Message |
TOP SECRET CSA EYES ONLY Gentlemen and Officers of the Confederacy <salute> Given that we are now in the Christmas celebration zone I think that it is time to turn our thoughts to the safety, both physical and moral, of the men under our respective commands. The Safety Division of the CSA Army Personnel Department has furnished me with a disturbing report about the goings on during the last Christmas period. Fortunately my predecessor suppressed the report due to the strategic implications, but these things must see the light of day and be dealt with. For those of you who wish to read the 2000 page report I will forward it on by request, however I shall summarise the key findings by Theater; Western • Three public buildings were burned down in Vicksburg and two in Bowling Green • 1354 men ,three mules and a gator were arrested for public intoxication • 38 men arrested for the inappropriate use of a firearm • 27 men and a camel were involved in a riot at Mrs Miggin’s pie shop and bordello • An AotM senior officer party got well out of hand and several ladies had their ankles measured? • 428 men reported to the surgeon with a funny rash Eastern • 1353 men and four horses were arrested for public intoxication • 124 men were arrested following a riot at a Richmond ice hockey game • 16 men ,14 junior officers and a senior officer were hurt when a shad bake got out of hand • 2 Artillery batteries went missing and were found out west • 115 men reported to the surgeon with a not so funny rash • Not substantiated, but it was rumoured that an entire corps of the AoG were drunk for 24 hours Well gentlemen by my calculation we had nearly two full divisions out of action, this can not be permitted to happen this year least those naughty persons from up in the cold north come south over the Christmas period. Our secret agent – code name “Drex Vader” has informed us that it is a strong possibly. I would request that all officers look to me as their moral compass to help them set the standard required. My chaste and teetotal lifestyle will be a beacon to officers and men alike. So gentlemen take firm control of your commands and set the standards I expect Make Christmas a safe one. |
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| Author: | Neal Hebert [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
General McOmish <salute> Nicodemus issued a statement during the investigation and stated the entire matter was caused by one of the mules. The mules (originally four) were tasked to transport barrels of sippin' whiskey bound for some grand gathering when one of the mules bolted because of the weight of the load. Nicodemus didn't believe two barrels of perfectly good whiskey should be left behind for marauding Yankee cavalry to capture, so he and the three remaining mules began disposing of the whiskey in the only manner available to them. Concerned soldiers began arriving in small groups to assist, and in the end the entire shipment was saved from capture. |
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| Author: | cameronm [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
General Hebert <salute> I have checked with the Provost Marshall's office and they have confirmed Nicodemus’s story. His valiant efforts shall not go unrecognized, nor unrewarded. I am sending him a brace of plump Yankee officers (is there any other type) for his dinning pleasure. Will send medals and cash later in the month. 
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| Author: | Cruces [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
Here is to that paragon of virtue and the moral compass of the CSA  MG Elkin AotT |
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| Author: | Neal Hebert [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
Gentlemen <salute> If I read the captions correctly, this must be a picture of BG Elkin raising a drink in honor of Nicodemus! It also appears he'd been practicing for some time before getting the shot just right. |
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| Author: | DJHawk [ Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:26 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
Suh!....i Wish to once again Apologise ........For Gunter's behavior at last years Christmas party....He let the Fire Water get the better of him.... I still to this day don't know the reasoning he kept hiding under the ladies Hoop Skirts thinking it was the Powder room. I was only able to get control of him when his Father and "Man Friend"  were brought into the situtation..... Here is a picture of Gunter and his Date,Father and ummmmm his Uncle Tom shall we say before the Fire water took effect...  ...To this day we don't know the Where abouts of Gunter's date.......Last seen heading to the Mason-dixion line.... 
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| Author: | Blake [ Thu Dec 08, 2011 9:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: CSA Christmas Safety Message |
My favorite part of the report is on page 1,768. For the record - The 19th Alabama didnt "steal" Baby Jesus from the nativity scene in Cairo, Illinois. They liberated him! |
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