AN END TO THE WAR ARRIVES!
Arrangements are now being made by the ACWGC USA Military Group to officially receive the surrender of the ACWGC CSA Military Group on Wednesday, July 26th in Richmond, Virginia. All remaining Confederate officers are urged to rouse themselves from their stupor, put down their liquor, strap on their man pants and make themselves presentable for this final ceremony. They are also reminded to bring their battle flags and computers with them so that they may be properly turned over to the authorities for display in Washington City. Lieutenant Ciolek and any other officers awaiting an opponent have been selected as the honorary receiving officers for the surrender.
CSA officers will be permitted to keep their empty CD cases, but all CDs shall also be turned over for destruction. In addition, all CSA officers shall divest themselves of all bling and paraphernalia they may have collected in their hapless history, keeping only their worn out keyboards as reminders of their pathetic attempt at rebellion.
The rebel general McOmish will be immediately remanded to Fortress Monroe where he, and a few other selected incorrigibles, will be incarcerated until they reveal the secrets of maintaining their sobriety after consumption of large amounts of liquor. They will not be permitted to partake of the magnificent Beer & Pretzels Banquet immediately following the surrender ceremonies.